Do you have that one friend that you’ve been meaning to call forever? You used to be so close, and somehow now it’s been three months since you last talked to them. And to be honest, the last time you did talk to them, things weren’t all that comfortable.
Growing apart from friends is never fun, but it does happen. Read on to learn some signs that you and a friend have drifted apart and it’s time to let the friendship go.
One of the biggest signs that you’re drifting away from your friends is that you just don’t understand each other anymore. Think back to the early days of your friendship; you probably had all sorts of inside jokes, secret signal words, and a communication style that was almost your own private language. You were on the same wavelength, and you never fought.
But maybe now you find yourself getting in more and more disagreements with this person. You don’t seem to understand each other the same way that you once did. Misunderstandings can lead to fights, which can lead to hurt feelings and long silences that neither of you know how to breach.
And speaking of long silences, those are another sign your friendship might be on the rocks. Humans are connected creatures, and we all have people we talk to every day. Your true friends are the people who you automatically text or call without having to think about it or make an effort because they’re such an ingrained part of your life.
But once you start drifting, the talking is the first thing to go. You may go weeks or months without speaking to each other, and what’s more, it doesn’t even bother you. This person isn’t a part of your life anymore, and there’s nothing strange to you about never telling them about your day or the annoying thing your boss said at work.
Although friendship should be automatic to a degree, it also has to be a priority in your life. Simply put, your priorities are where you choose to spend your time. When you and your friend were closer, you probably took much more time out to spend with them, go to their birthday parties, take trips together, and hang out together.
Think about the last time you made time to spend with your friend and the last time they took to spend time with you. Do you find yourself canceling plans with them in favor of other activities? If so, the friendship isn’t a priority for one or both of you, and that means you’re drifting apart.
The early days of discovering a friend are wonderful in part because you’re discovering so much you have in common. You read the same books, watch the same movies, follow the same TV shows, like the same hobbies, and listen to the same music. You seem to be in lock-step in every part of your lives, and it’s so wonderful to share the things you love with someone else.
But these days, do you find that you have less and less in common with your friend? Your music tastes have changed, and you’ve realized the movies you watched in high school aren’t as funny anymore. You have different hobbies than they do, you don’t watch the same TV shows, and maybe the reason you haven’t talked in so long is that you have nothing to talk about.
When something exciting happens – you get a promotion at work, your partner proposes to you, you find out you’re having a baby – what’s the first thing you do? We’re betting the answer is you pick up the phone and call someone. It’s a natural instinct to want to share good news, and the person you call first is usually your best friend.
But in the last few months or years, do you find yourself calling someone else to share the good news? You may have realized two weeks after you started at your new position at work or when you started making wedding party lists that you’d forgotten to tell your friend the big news at all. If you don’t want to share your good news with this person, they’re not that big a part of your life anymore.
One of the hallmarks of great friends is that you could spend forever hanging out with them. You don’t watch what you say or how you act, you laugh like a crazy person, and you don’t mind hanging out doing nothing at all, as long as you’re together. Being around them is as natural as breathing.
But these days you may find that you watch your words around them a little more carefully. You sit up straighter, and when you laugh, you never snort. And if we’re being honest, what sort of a friendship is it if you can’t snort-laugh around them?
Reading this list, you may be thinking about calling your friend up and trying to rekindle that friendship again. You’ve been thinking back to the early days of your friendship and how much fun the two of you had together. You want to get back to how things used to be between you when you spoke your own language and told each other everything.
But chances are, you don’t miss that person at all – you miss how your friendship used to be. And if that’s the case, it’s time to let that friend go. We all have wonderful things in our life that were great while they lasted and then have to pass, and this friendship may be one of them.
Growing apart from friends is never fun, but it’s a natural part of life. You change, your friends change, and over time you find that you have less and less to talk about. Cherish the fond memories, and let those friendships fade away when they need to.